I'm a Millennial

  • Posted on: 20 July 2015
  • By: davis

I like to eat things. I like to talk about eating things. I like to make my eating of things a cultural statement. I only eat at certain places because some places are low-class. When I go to high-end restaurants, I know the food is better because people dress differently. I don't dress differently though, that would be cultural appropriation, and I'm NOT down with that.

I'm just a foodie - you might not understand. I like to read food blogs. I like to post pictures of food. I like to watch commercials of food. I like to watch cooking shows where famous people eat food. I can't experience it in any way, of course, but I like to watch people eat food and then moan.

Oh yeah, the way they shove food in their mouths gets me going. I like to watch a panel of culinary experts put calories in their mouth and exhale blissfully. This makes me happy, so I watch it all the time. I like to see people cooking food in the South, the North, India, Antarctica. I live in a country where obesity kills a ton (hurr hurr) of people each year. I mentally masturbate to the thought of more food. I buy my cooking utensils because a fat lady on T.V. also prepares her caloric intake using the same tools! I have favorite food makers, and I've never tasted their food. It sure looks good when I'm watching it alone on my couch at 2AM.

Conversationally, I'm stunted. Hey, have you seen the latest Game of Thrones? You haven't? What about Mad Men, Sopranos, Arrested Development, or any other show? I can only relate through the discussion of broadly-available entertainment mediums. I love it when marketing consultants put together Twitter campaigns to track their demographics - yeah, I love participating in the ecosystem known as Big Data.